During the holidays, Diane’s loss hit her again.
Having survived the reality, accepted the good-bye, and worked through what it means to her life, she knows the holiday preparations, traditions, and gatherings are forever changed.
Dealing with grief during the holidays will be tough. She wonders how she will even bear it.
All at once, she dreaded the approaching dates on the calendar.
She longed for the old days. She recognized, again, that surge of sorrow.
Does Diane’s heartbreak seem familiar to you?
It’s perfectly natural to feel that memories and longing are putting you through the ringer.
Dealing with grief during the holidays requires support and a few helpful strategies that may ease the emotional upheaval:
Get Ready
As the holidays approach, plan for the feelings that will likely arise. You needn’t be concerned with how you “should” navigate the merriment. Plan to do what serves you best.
If you need to be alone, warmly communicate to your loved ones early in the season that you need to be relieved of the pressure to interact, reminisce, or put on a happy face.
If you would prefer to be with loved ones, you may feel overwhelmed by past reminders. Try to neutralize and reconfigure some of the old holiday settings and activities.
If you can, try to journal, schedule extra sessions with a therapist, or meet with a support group to help manage your feelings of isolation, sadness, or loneliness.
Give Yourself a Break
Give yourself the time and space to determine what helps and what doesn’t. Give yourself permission to work through the highs and lows your way. Feel what you feel, without having to be “fine” when your heart is broken. Recognize that feelings of grief may come and go. It’s okay.
Pamper yourself with exceptional self care. Indulging in all the rich foods and alcohol associated with the season can make emotional balance more difficult. To navigate grief during this time of year, your mind and body require rest, healthy eating, and the endorphins that accompany moderate exercise.
At some point during the season, you may be comforted by time with those who share, or at least sympathize greatly with, the magnitude of your loss. Reach out. Connect with them. Accept hugs, help, and caring friendship.
Be Present
Mindfully pay attention to the here and now. Ruminations on the past and anxiety about future holidays may make this time of year even harder to manage. Dealing with grief may mean focusing on life and the meaning of the season in all of its present incarnations.
Meditation, prayer, or other spiritual practices may help you become more mindful and accepting. Observe the day or series of days calmly and quietly. Try not to judge or control your emotions. Notice your sadness, loneliness, anger. Let them happen.
Also notice pleasant thoughts and feelings of gratitude too. It’s okay to laugh or smile.
When you’re ready, honor your loved one and your broken heart in ways that feel appropriate now.
Talk about your loved one or write him or her a holiday card. Hang an ornament or light a candle in his or her honor. Celebrate the joys of your relationship as you celebrate the joy of the season.
Finally, generosity can ease emotional pain, help you focus on the people in your family and community, and shape new purpose and direction in your life. This a great time to volunteer or visit with someone who struggles similarly.
Dealing with grief during the holidays is a challenge. Go easy on yourself and accept where you are right now.
Love and trust yourself enough to manage the holidays, and the memory of your loved one, one precious moment at a time.
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