You’ve probably heard it before.

Date nights and parenting can be a difficult mix.

Sometimes the difficult mix is financial.

If you don’t have family nearby, you may have to pay for a sitter. Dinner out, a show, or a movie can then add up quickly.

If this is true for you, you may be able to trade date nights (or days) with friends who have children, or find other ways to be creatively frugal.

But just as often, the difficult mix is emotional.

Sometimes we may use our close connections with our children to unwittingly distance ourselves from our partner, especially when our partner connection has been strained under the weight of all that parenting and working entails.

Parenting can be very hard work. Conscious parenting requires a level of presence and patience that, while rewarding, can also be emotionally tiring sometimes.

And working hard, both inside and outside of the home, can take its toll.

Put these two critical elements together, and any parent is bound to feel frequently drained, like there is “nothing left” to give to your partner at the end of the day.

But a lack of dedicated time as a couple can easily undermine relationship satisfaction. Sacrificing adult connection for the “sake of the children,” or because we are “just too tired” can rapidly send up a red flag for many relationships.

There are actually some really good reasons why good parenting includes private time for you and your partner. In fact, it can be one of the most important things you can do to ensure solid parenting.

Regular date nights, or date days, are a critical part of life with children. They help you get the most out of all of your commitments, by creating dedicated space for connection when responsibilities and boundaries can become tricky.

A desire to do your best when it comes to your children can often feel like such a big job that parents may go overboard with their attention to their child’s needs every moment.

When you have a partner in need of some time and your adult concerns are in need of attention, you all can reap some date night benefits you may not have considered.

Let’s see:

  • Date nights help reduce resentments. Too much parenting often leads to a partner feeling neglected, or to weary parents. Without time together, the joy of both your romantic relationship and your parental relationship can become strained or diminished. Ease the pressures on both types of relationships by taking some time to check in on your partner’s needs and concerns. Taking regular time away from your children also helps keep your own thoughts and feelings available for sharing, making it a little less likely that you’ll allow them to get lost among kid concerns. You and your partner will feel less overlooked and overburdened and more refreshed, connected, and ready to take on parenting again.
  • Date nights reduce the tendency to make life too child-focused. Conscious parenting includes teaching your children about the importance of all of your family relationships. Your children will be able to see that your marriage or partnership comes first, and they’ll learn to appreciate the fact that your family life is not completely about them and their needs. This supports their sense of security and stability and helps them to see beyond themselves. Your children also benefit from the sense that they are part of a family system that includes them, but takes into account its other equally-important family members.
  • Date nights provide healthy short-term separation between parents and children. You and your children can learn to manage appropriate amounts of separation. You and your partner can give yourselves several hours of time for adult matters and allow someone else to safely care for your children. This is an ideal way to maintain proper parent-child boundaries while communicating that separation is temporary and that your family always reunites after a period apart. Healthy autonomy and self-soothing in your absence are valuable gifts that your time away together can give to your children.
  • Date nights teach children that your adult life is your grown-up privilege. Solid parents do more then enjoy home life. They help children envision their own lives ahead. Routinely giving your children a picture of adult life by sharing that you’ll be going out into the world to go to grown-up places and talk about grown-up things is important. You are helping your children see that adults enjoy themselves beyond the care and desires of children. Serving their children is just one important aspect of adulthood. This teaches children that they can look forward to the future and the privileges to come.

Parenting  and adult relationships aren’t mutually exclusive. Your children can learn a lot by the way you and your partner spend your time. Enjoy your time together with the happy knowledge that your kids can learn some valuable lessons too.

For more information on Counseling for Parenting Young Children click here.