Try as they might, our little ones don’t always know how to express their emotions in a way we can understand. As parents, trying to calm down your child who is escalated can be incredibly overwhelming. Children may yell, scream, cry, and we feel lost on how to help.

Take a deep breath and remind yourself that this is your child’s way of communicating. With time, patience, and practice, you can teach them proper de-escalation techniques that will help you both.

Understanding the Surge of Emotions

Children often express their emotions so intensely because they lack the skills to regulate themselves effectively. Emotional outbursts are often a cry for help or an expression of their unmet needs. Try to approach the situation with empathy rather than frustration.

Why Do Children Become Emotionally Charged?

  • Unmet Needs: This can be their way of communicating hunger, fatigue, pain, or feelings of overwhelm.
  • Difficulty with Processing: Young children may not yet have the vocabulary or skills to articulate their thoughts. If something is distressing or confusing to them, they may not know how to process it.
  • Feeling Misunderstood: When children feel they are not being heard or listened to, their emotions can escalate.

Techniques for De-Escalation

Staying calm is the best thing to remember during these stressful times. Take a few deep breaths, and try these methods:

1. Stay Calm and Grounded

  • Regulate your own emotions before approaching your child. If you need a few minutes, that’s okay. You don’t have to engage until you’re ready.
  • Lower your voice and soften your tone to communicate safety to your child.
  • Model calm behavior and composure to help your child mirror these expressions.

2. Acknowledge Their Feelings

  • Use validating phrases like, “I can see you’re really upset right now. That’s okay, I want to help.”
  • Avoid judgmental or dismissive language that might make them feel even worse.

3. Offer Comfort

  • Some children respond well to gentle touch, like holding their hands or hugging.
  • Respect their boundaries. However, if they do not want to be touched in that moment, do not force them to.

4. Give Them a Sense of Control

  • Offer simple choices to empower them, like, “Would you like to sit on the couch or go to your room to calm down?”
  • Providing them with choices helps them feel in control of their situation.

Using Redirection and Calming Techniques

Sometimes, helping your child focus on something else can be the key to de-escalating a meltdown.

5. Use Distractions

  • Encourage them to play with a favorite toy or engage in a game they like.
  • Ask them to help you with a simple task around the house.

6. Grounding Exercises

  • Have your child identify things in their surroundings they enjoy: things they like the color of, something soft to hold, or their favorite snack or drink.
  • Encourage deep, slow breaths to decrease their heart rate. Take the breaths with them so they can follow along.

Communicate Afterward

Once the intense emotions have passed, it’s important to discuss what happened in a way that’s productive and helps them grow, not in a way that feels like a punishment.

7. Reflect and Connect

  • Talk about the experience calmly, focusing on what feelings were present, and how they can better handle them next time.
  • Teach them the power of “I” statements to model healthy communication skills: “I felt worried when you were screaming because I didn’t know how to help.”

De-escalation is no easy task, especially if you are feeling overwhelmed yourself. Consider scheduling an appointment with a mental health therapist who has experience working with children and family dynamics. Therapy can provide you and your child tools to support your family’s overall well-being. Give us a call to schedule a parent counseling session today!

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